029 – 7 Steps to Getting on the Same Financial Page as Your Spouse
I remember when I had my financial moment. I earned raise at work like I had many times before. However, each time I was given a raise in the past my standard of living changed but not my financial situation. You see, my wife and I had accumulated $68,000 of debt. The debt consisted of credit cards, Home Depot card, school loans, and vehicle loans. One night right after receiving a better than expected raise I couldn’t sleep. That night while lying in my bed, I put a stake in the ground; this was day one where I was going to get finally financially healthy. The moment I made that decision, I felt a calming over me and quickly fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up and instantly wanted to take steps to get our financial lives in order. There was only one problem. The moment I had the night before was my moment. It was not a together moment with my wife. When I tried to talk to her about it, she looked at me like I was crazy. I don’t blame her. We were living a life that by most standards seemed like a we had our money under control. When I blurted out everything, I thought we needed to do to become financially healthy she felt attacked like the debt was her fault. I was determined though to make things right with her and approach our conversation about the state of our money differently. I pressed on.
Have you tried talking to your spouse about making getting financially healthy? If you approached the conversation like it did the first time, it is usually the moment where the energized partner loses steam and goes back to living the way they were. Changes do not get made, and the dreams do not get realized. If this is you read and follow the steps below to get on the same financial page as your spouse. It will not be easy. You will want to quit again but, I promise you it will be one of the greatest things you ever do for your marriage. It is time for you to get on the same page together.
1. Move from YOUR stake in the ground to OUR stake in the ground
Don’t act like you have it all figured out and know every change needed in your financial life. Instead, grab your spouse by the hands and look her in the eye and ask her about her goals and dreams. Don’t talk, just listen.
2. Admit that you are just as much at fault for being financially unhealthy
Please do not use this time to point fingers and blame your spouse. Keep your eye on the goal which is only getting on the same page as your spouse. You both play a role in the situation you are in, which is a likelihood of coming up short in your financial life.
3. Come prepared
Show your spouse the net worth statement, cash flow analysis or any money ratio that shows where you are both coming up short of your goals and dreams. Don’t be abstract or you will not make your point. Remember, this is all done in a calming way.
4. Swear to financial honesty moving forward
We all have financial skeletons in our closet when it comes to being honest about every money move we made and didn’t tell our significant other. Tell your spouse about a time where you were not honest. Tell your wife you are sorry for not being honest. Please do not put your spouse on the spot and ask her to bring her misgivings. If your spouse wants to, it can be liberating. Hiding financial decisions from your spouse can be very stressful. Admitting secretes liberating. Being honest with each other about expenses is a major step in becoming financially healthy.
5. Commit to planned meetings with your spouse about your finances
It is one thing to both be on the same page; it is quite another to take action. Carving out scheduled time will ensure you work on getting in financial shape. It is so much easier to do nothing about your finances. I mean really, you have a roof over your head, food to eat and do fun things but you both must commit to being financially healthy and scheduling time is a significant step. Use this time to work on the items that need attention. Always make sure your spouse is part of the process. You cannot and should not be doing this by yourself, or you will lose the momentum you both worked hard at gaining.
6. Get help
A Certified Financial Planner can assess your financial situation and help prioritize the items that will need your attention. A professional is also able to help you prioritize your goals together and help you get on the same page. There is a lot of compromising that needs to be done when it comes to goals and dreams and having a buffer to help the communication can help. Let’s face it; we are smart, but we do not know all the steps needed in creating a comprehensive financial plan. Make sure your spouse is part of the process and agree on picking a Certified Financial Planner together.
7. Take your spouse on a date
After the big conversation take your spouse on a date. You are the one that wanted these changes in your financial life. It is natural to want to take all of your financial situations at once. Remember, your spouse is still warming up to the idea of changes. Your financial life is a marathon and not a race. Take your spouse out and do not talk about all the things that transpired that day. Talk about anything but your finances. If your spouse wants to follow up on your earlier financial discussions, then let them. Let your spouse do most of the talking, though, practice trying to do most of the listening. You will be surprised how much more they will be on board if they are part of the process.
Getting on the same financial page is not an easy task. If you have tried before, chances are you did not take a calming approach. At the end of the day, your spouse wants to feel less anxiety about money just like you. Do not give up. Try the seven-step approach outlined above and you have a better chance of reaching your goal. Even if your spouse does not respond like you would like they may come around sooner, then you think. Stay calm and always remember that you both contributed to your financial mess. It will take both of you to get out of it and get on track to achieve everything financially in your life that is important to you. Start planning your conversation with your wife today using the seven steps outlined above.
About the author, Scott Wellens
Scott Wellens, CFP® is an investment advisor and founder of Fortress Planning Group. After earning his Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh, Scott quickly ascended to become a Vice President of North American Sales at a major regional provider of telecommunications infrastructure. While financially successful in this role, Scott searched for ways to pursue his passion related to financial literacy and providing financial freedom for both his own family and others. During his search, Scott became curious about the significant gap he found in the financial services sector: he was unable to find a comprehensive financial planner that maintained a family stewardship lens without being attached to financial products. Scott decided to fill that gap by creating his own planning firm that maintains a strong passion for comprehensive, unbiased wealth planning that is genuinely client-centered.
Scott resides in Menomonee Falls, WI with his family. He is the father of three active and independent daughters who keep him on his toes. Scott is an active community member, serving on the Hamilton Education Foundation Board, serves as a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace facilitator and leads the All Pro Dad’s group at their local elementary school. Scott enjoys spending his free time visiting state parks with his family, reading, and watching the Milwaukee Bucks and the Green Bay Packers win ball games.